“During the day, it’s important to show compassion. At the end of the day, it’s necessary to be selfish.” – Ali Bubba
I’m sure a lot of you disagree with Ali Bubba, and I’m sure some people will curse me out at some point for agreeing with him. But here is the bottom line. At the end of the day, I am more important, to myself, then you are. And if you don’t agree, then you are setting yourself up.
This past year has been pretty crazy for me. I’ve been through quite a bit and saw first hand how people truly react to certain situations. I’m not pointing fingers. Actually, if I was pointing fingers, the first one would go straight to me.
Recently in my marriage, I was going through some identity issues. I became a very selfish person, and started looking out for myself before anyone, including my wife. This is kind of counter-productive to the message I am trying to get across here, but I want you to understand that people will automatically put themselves above anybody when they deem it necessary.
As you can imagine, neglecting my wife sent my life into a downward spiral that was accompanied by losing a house, losing a job, separating from the military, and losing what identity I still had. I looked near and far to find a friend. To find somebody that really had my back. I don’t mean somebody that I could talk to, and have them tell me, “Everything happens for a reason.” (click here to see why I just laughed a little) I had friends, but nobody I felt I could really bring my problems to. So this got me thinking. And I realized that the people in my life that I assumed would always have my back, were not there for me. This immediately made me feel angry. But then I thought about the entire situation and tried to understand why they couldn’t be there for me. Truth is, they were battling their own problems at the time, and were throwing all their energy to try and make it out of their situation. But aren’t they supposed to drop everything to help me out? Isn’t that what good friends and family are all about?
Short answer, stop being so fucking naive.
It’s important to understand that when people get in a jam, they will do anything to get out of it. Even it that means that other people will suffer because of it. You may have seen this at work if someone is bad mouthing co-workers to make them look like the go-to guy for that new promotion. You may have had a situation similar to mine. You may be living it right now.
So, by now you are tired of my people-bashing. You are ready to click to the next page with boobies on it. Hang on for a few more minutes.
I am giving you all of these examples because you need to realize that this is normal. Is it a shame that people really live like this? Maybe. But what really is a shame is to think that it won’t happen to you, and then realize one day that you are all alone with a mountain of problems resting squarely on your shoulders. I know it’s hard for some people to put their best interest before everyone else’s. And this message is mainly for you. Don’t feel bad about prioritizing yourself before others, because I can guarantee they are already doing it for themselves.
But as Ali Bubba states, it’s important to be there for your friends when they need you. I am not saying that you should blow off helping your friend move because you would rather go to the beach. The day that Ali Bubba speaks about may last longer than an actual calendar day. And the end of the day may not come until months down the road.
You just need to be aware that, “at the end of the day,” you are the only one that you can depend on, and the only one who can truely help yourself. So, being selfish is not only important, but necessary.
“During the day, it’s important to show compassion. At the end of the day, it’s necessary to be selfish.” – Ali Bubba
