The start of everyday immediately begins with a battle.
First I call the alarm clock a liar when it’s blaring and I have to go to work. I struggle getting the sheets off and then it happens, the showdown.
We all have that one appliance in our house that has a mind of its own. My mom’s toaster will just decide to burn every fifth slice of bread for no reason.
One of my friends has a microwave that just decided to blowup Hot Pockets for fun.
Hot Pockets are gross. They're grosser when you have to scrape them off a microwave.
My grandma’s tv would just turn on and off whenever it felt like it. That used to scare me so much, I really thought there was a ghost loose in the house or something.
That appliance in my house is my shower.
Each morning I flip the handle to turn the shower on and am instantly frightened. The hot water heater really has a mind of its own.
It takes forever for the water to warm up, so if I’m running late for work or something, most of the time I have to just jump in and take a freezing shower.
Sometimes being stabbed seems like a better alternative to being burnt.
But if you wait the five minutes for it to warm up, there’s still no relief. Since there’s no temperature controls on my shower, whatever temperature it shoots out, that’s what you have to deal with.
Most showers you can fiddle with the handle and get it to where it’s just right. Not this one, there are only three settings: freezing, good and boiling.
Usually the water is alright, but after three minutes, then it starts freezing again unless you have the dreaded boiling shower syndrome.
And you can’t pull the shut the shower off and turn it back on routine, if you do that, the water comes out at least 50 degrees hotter, so it’s useless to try and fight it. Just accept that your flesh is going to be burnt and try and freshen up as much as you can in the mean time.
For whatever reason, one out of every 10 showers, the water just comes out scorching hot and with no alternative. So every other week, my workday starts with my scalp being singed off.
So I just want to thank my shower for keeping things interesting and I look forward to the next time you flip out and start shooting boiling water at me, at least you wake me up everyday.
