If traveling wasn’t stressful enough, dealing with that guy makes it even worse.
Walking through the Newark Airport it looked like a regular breeding ground for Don’t Be That Guys (DBTG) it was really unbelievable.
At every turn someone even more douchy than the last person appeared. The airport is just an entire building crawling with DBTGs.
Some people need a license to operate their luggage.
Some of my favorites at the airport are the guy that talks on speaker phone when sitting in the common area, the guy at the baggage carousel that won’t get out of your way even though you said your luggage is right there, the guy that scopes out every other passenger like he’s an Air Marshal, the guy that blows up the bathroom, the business man that insists on showing you how important his work is on his laptop.
Everyone is in a hurry at the airport. Get out of the way when someone says they see thier bag.
The guy that can’t properly maneuver his rolling suitcase, the guy that wants you to be impressed that he’s flying first class, the guy that tries to eat your measly snack after woofing his down, the guy that thinks he’ll get into the Mile High Club with one of the stewardesses, the guy that tries to talk to you about what you’re reading and one of the worst, the guy that sneezes on you.
Believe it or not, all of those guys have nothing on the first ever travel edition of DBTG.
For this flight my seat was towards the back of the plane, meaning I was one of the first passengers to board the flight. Going from Newark to Tampa is always crowded and I don’t know about the rest of you but as other people come onto the plane, I play the “Please don’t let them sit next to me,” game.
Sitting next to any guy on an airplane sucks.
Plus I had the window seat, meaning whoever had the middle seat would be pinned up next to me for the next two and a half hours. So there was a lot on the line here.
People eyed the middle seat but ultimately passed. A few minutes went by and an old lady took the aisle seat in our row.
Then the DBTG emerged. I almost broke out a prayer that he wouldn’t be sitting next to me, and somehow he ended up three rows in front of me.
I almost lost it I wanted to yell so badly.
The flight takes off and everything seems to be going smoothly. There’s a three-year-old girl and her mother towards the middle of the plane and as once everyone’s ears started popping, the little girl starts crying.
Normal stuff, but as the minutes go on, the crying gets louder and louder. The mom is trying to calm her down, but not really much you can do at this point.
The DBTG pipes up and starts yelling for the mom to quite the kid. He starts calling over all the flight attendants asking if there’s something they can do, but obviously there’s not, and he demands a seat change.
Unfortunately the only open seat is the one right next to me. I see him point at the seat and the flight attendant looks at me. I couldn’t shake my head “NO!!!” any faster than what I did, but to no avail.
I would of rather had snakes on my plane than have to sit next to that guy.
Standing at 6’4 can be an advantage in certain situations but not when trying to squeeze into an airplane seat. Any legroom is a bonus and not having someone in the middle seat is the best thing in the world.
DBTG plops down next to me and says “Can you believe that kid?” What reaction could I give?
I just said, “It’s a little girl man, calm down,” put my headphones on and put my book to my face so he’d never talk to me.
For the rest of the flight we played the armrest, legroom shuffle for position and it couldn’t have been more of an uncomfortable flight. He was a short guy, one of those guys that knows he’s short and has to act like he’s bigger so he tried to take up more room.
I just pointed at my arms and legs to say, I need this room butthole and this isn’t even your seat, so tone it down. But since this is a DBTG, he didn’t get the message.
I wasn’t about to go down his douchy path. It sucks, I hate when people try and spin their story about how they’re not out of line when they are.
So Don’t Be That Guy: The airplane seat switcher that unnecessarily takes up more room and yells about little girls crying.
