Think of me as the guy with the beard.

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote something. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. In doing so I’ve been able to compile a lesson of life in black and white. We are about to embark on a three-piece series about the purpose of life and why we are here. The trifecta beings with the first, and most important question:

What is the purpose of life?

If you have been keeping up with my previous posts, you know that my life is changing more than it probably ever will. If you haven’t been (shame on you), I’ll give you a keep recap. I separated from the military in August of last year with the plans to move back close to my family. I had plans of starting a career with my father, in property management. I was banking on moving back into the house I grew up in, which I was super excited about. I was content with the way my life was headed.

Shortly before I separated, my parents started their divorce process. This led to the loss of my house because my father moved out of the residence he held with my mother, and moved into the house I was guaranteed. My wife and I were going through some problems and decided to move into separate apartments. My father was making plans that didn’t guarantee me a job working with him anymore. I was soon to be out of work for nearly five months, holding things together with unemployment checks. I felt like my life was falling apart. The only thing I felt I had going for me, and at times the only reason I felt like I wanted to live, was my daughter.

Well, fast forward to the present. My parents are still going through a nasty divorce, which has completely eliminated the chance of having a family gathering ever again. I still live alone in a small apartment. My little sister is graduating high school and making plans for college, which isn’t a bad thing, but is stressful nonetheless. She is actually going to a great university that is located only a short distance from my current residence. I say current because I am moving this summer to stay close to my daughter. So my dream of being close to sister during her college years, something I’ve always wanted to do, is gone. My wife has an opportunity to start her own career as a successful salon owner. However, that requires her to move to New York. I am excited for her and hope she does well, and I’m sure she will. I speak as if I’m not apart of it. We just filed for divorce last week. We are just waiting for the court to process the paperwork. In the meantime, I developed into a baby-alcoholic. I was drinking everyday because I felt I needed it. I became someone I didn’t recognize.

“Stare into the mirror but only see a stranger
sick thoughts put my life in clear and present danger

Or maybe pleasant danger, cause dyin may be my only way out
too pussy to end it so I’ll just let it play out

I’m scared of my future cause I was happy with my past
but beings I can’t stop it I just hope it go fast.”

I was not impressed with the person I saw in the mirror. I stopped drinking last week (week and a half! yeah!).

Needless to say, I’m not in a very good place right now. A year ago I was the happiest man alive. I was very content with everything in my life. Now I feel like I have lost everything. My happiness has been completely depleted. I write a lot of poetry and most of it is stuff, to someone who doesn’t know me that well, that would force them to put me on suicide watch. I haven’t been writing lately, for this website or by means of poetry. If you look forward to the content I put out, I apologize for the delay, and apologize to my ManWhole co-writers for slacking. The reason I haven’t been writing lately is because I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Too much thinking actually.

So I start to think about why I’m so upset and what is the point of my life. What is the point of life in general? Why are we here? What purpose do we serve? If there is a place after this life, than why must we deal with all this bullshit now?
I think I have an answer. If you don’t agree, too bad keep reading anyways and make me feel good.

I’m convinced that our purpose in our lives, while we are here and existing, is to be happy. That’s it. Simple and plain. Just to be happy. Take everything else out of the picture and think about yourself. Think with a selfish state-of-mind for now. Why get up in the morning? Why go that party? Why visit that friend? Why go to the store? We do these things because it makes us happy or ends up giving us joy. I have been trying to find things that make me happy. Unfortunately I like I am find things to just fill my happiness void. That’s probably where the drinking came in to play. But, more to come on that in Part II.

Being happy means getting to a point where you can settle down, take a deep breath, and be pleased with yourself when you look in the mirror. Unfortunately I can only tell you what being happy is. I can’t tell you how to be happy. That’s on you and will differ to each person. But I guess the best advice I can give is to examine each situation as they present themselves. Take a second, think about it, and ask yourself, “Is this really going to make me happy?” This is not something you have to be selfish about. Your happiness can be a result of making others happy. More on that in Part III.

So for now, the answer is happiness. This is why we live. This is why we wake up eveyday. We have something that brings us joy. In my next post, “Life Part II – Are we all meant to be truly happy?” I will examine whether or not true happiness is achievable to all of us. But for right now, just digest this.

If you are truly happy, you give off such a positive energy, one that others can feed off of. But if you not, it ruins almost every aspect of your existence. Being happy is more than feeling happy. Being truly happy means being pleased with where your life is at. As long as you can be happy, I feel that your life is a success. You have to stick with whatever makes you happy. That’s the purpose of life.

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