The next 365 days will be really telling for this website.
We’ve spent the last few months gathering fans, doing anything short of physically pleasuring people to generate traffic and trying to provide entertaining and informative reads for you and the rest of our audience.
The only downfall is compiling all these stories take time and to really improve the website, our goal is to have all three of us be able to do this full time.
There are a few money making ideas and we’ll be implementing them shortly, but one thing we could definitely use is some sponsorships.
Sure we can try the traditional routes and hit up big time companies like Microsoft, McDonald’s, Wal-Mart or get in cahoots with an oil company.
If I came home to this everyday, I wouldn't mind going to work in the morning.
Everyone and their mother is trying to do that. ManWhole.com needs to rub some new, un-egsma-riddled corporate elbows. We need a new angle, some overlooked titans of industry, because they’re not being pestered for money all the time, and see how that works out.
If you read this website, you know we’re not down with conventional ideas mimicking every other website that sounds like gay porn and tries to make up for it by posting as many pictures of hot girls as possible.
There’s too much of that going on, you can call us a lot of things, but we are not biters.
We’re not like them and hopefully that’s what you love about us.
Here it is, ManWhole.com’s plea with two companies who truly run their industry, but are often overlooked by the general public for some funding.
I challenge you, go to your toilet, lift the seat and tell me what you see. Nine out of 10 of you will probably have a Bemis toilet seat. I’ve been a longtime Bemis fan, but always wondered why they didn’t go all out and name their seats Beavis, which would have been funnier, but I guess Harold Bemis III wouldn’t appreciate the humor.
Anytime someone like Home Depot calls up Harold Bemis (don’t know if the company is headed up by someone named Harold Bemis, just follow me here) and wants to break his balls about pricing on toilet seats, I see the conversation unfolding like the final 30 seconds of the WacArnold’s sketch from Chappelle’s Show.
Home Depot: “Listen, these prices just aren’t what we’re looking for, if you want us to do business with you, you’re going to have to lower your pricing or we’re going to call American Standard.”
Harold Bemis III: “Guess what, a new self closing toilet seat is coming out on Tuesday and guess who ain’t getting one? If you want some toilet seats, you’ve gots to go through me. You’re cut off, you’re cut off!”
I'll get this tattooed Mike Tyson style if they want to sponsor our site. You know you want to Bemis.
I talked about how awesome Bemis is with my brother and he was trying to tell me that American Standard was a better all around toilet seat manufacturer, and I couldn’t disagree more. I’m Bemis for life, but when I googled best toilet seat company, a curveball came up as Church toilet seats claims they run it. Now it’s time for you to decide, which toilet seat is the best?
Slogans you say, you want a slogan, here’s one: Lift a Bemis and empty your ManWhole.
Perfect. Harold Bemis III, we’ll be in touch.
Anywhere there is road construction in Florida, Bob’s there to barricade the way.
I get mad every time I see his merchandise all over the highway because I can’t help but think he has one of those old school mob tie-ins and secured a government contract to provide all materials necessary throughout the state.
Bob runs in complete anonymity and no advertising budget.
There’s no other possible explanation of how Bob has been able to keep his stranglehold on the traffic control device industry the way he has. That’s right Bob, start sponsoring the website or I’ll start snitching hardcore.
From Pensacola to Jacksonville, Orlando to Miami and Tampa to Gainesville, Bob has Florida on lock. That’s exactly what ManWhole.com wants, we want to run Florida, so that means we need to team up with Bob.
What really bothers me is you know Bob is now just some old fat guy, think about how South Park portrayed Rob Reiner in the episode “Butt Out”, that has taken up different hobbies with his smoking hot second wife and turned the business over to his equally fat but more annoying and douchey oldest son.
Bob has time to take up different hobbies, scooting is one of them.
Yes, I did just describe the beginning of Tommy Boy in the last paragraph, but tell me a different scenario of Bob’s life, you can’t.
Slogan: Bob would never barricade the ManWhole.
There isn’t a better possible slogan than that one.
Tell me those two companies don’t tie in with our website perfectly?
I’ll hold a presentation with both companies, bring a boombox, play Audio Two’s Top Billin show them this story and throw the fat stacks in my pockets.
This idea has to be worth minimum $750,000, so I expect a check from both companies within 48 hours.
Seriously, we could link in to their websites and even combine all three three ideas into one mega plan. Let’s say you’re doing some bathroom remodeling, you check our website first for expert construction advice (which we don’t offer) and then order a barricade from Bob, put it in your bathroom to reroute any traffic coming into the room and throw a Bemis toilet seat down and have a better life.
What’s better than reading ManWhole.com while sitting on the comfort of a Bemis toilet seat?
How many plugs can I throw in one story? Give me a video camera and we’ll have the greatest series of commercials ever.
I know Bob and Bemis have advertising executives, but they have to suck ass. Have you ever seen a Bemis commercial? What are they paying them $750,000 a year for when you have me throwing out amazing slogans, that benefit both companies, like the two presented above?
They need more exposure, they need us.
It only makes sense, Bob, Bemis, let’s get this money.
