If you’re like most guys you probably don’t care about fashion. I remember thinking (and I still see this mirrored in other friends’ psyche and behavior), screw fashion, screw clothes, screw my hair, I am proud of me, who I am, as I am. Although this thinking can be looked at in a good way – self-confidence, and high self-esteem – are valuable things, I think this type of thinking in specific is often rooted somewhere else – in fear.
Many guys develop a “healthy” (cough bullshit! cough) self confidence after years of dressing the same. We dress and act the same and are genuinely unconcerned with fashion and the way one looks including posture.
The Real Source of Not Caring About Your Appearance – Fear & Laziness
After years of dressing and acting the same, we guys have a tendancy to begin to justify and mask our true intentions or desires. I personally believe that not caring about one’s external appearance leads to a number of problems and is rooted in fear and laziness.
Why are guys afraid of caring about their appearance?
There are a number of reasons:
Change – The number one reason I believe that guys FEAR changing their outward appearance is just that… change. Change is hard. If you have dressed, cut your hair, or acted a particular way for many years, your friends and family will probably pick up on your new digs. You are also simply uncomfortable when stepping outside your comfort zone, you are used to comfy tee’s and sweatpants and donning a sport suit or khakis can feel awkward and look weird (because you’re simply not used to it).
Rejection – While implementing these changes what will your girlfriend think, your friends think, your family think? There is always the possibility of rejection, of someone not liking your new look. But, remembering that rejection in this capacity is usually OTHERS FEAR OF CHANGE can be helpful when wanting to make positive changes in your life.
Newness - I went to a seminar about a year ago about “attaining anything you ever wanted.” Afterwards I had $1,000,000 and a beautiful wife and a yacht. No, but I did get one great quote:
When trying something new, it’s your job to suck! To look like a fool. To not really be sure about what you’re doing. It’s all part of the learning process.
Fear of not being great right away may prevent us from pursuing anything in the first place – this applies to all areas of your life. We want to succeed at everything, right away, with little or no real practice. Understanding that you’re new at this, can help assuage your fears and make light of the situation. If you look like a goof the first time you try to pick out a nice outfit, who cares?
Gayness - Stop looking at the picture of the guy at the top of the article… you’re making me uncomfortable. Just kidding, but this speaks to another big fear us guys have, and I’ve heard it echoed by both sexes when it comes to fashion: gayness. As guys we are in quite a pickle. I have talked to females (doesn’t that sound stale and scientific) and they ABSOLUTELY MAKE SNAP JUDGMENTS ON YOU BASED ON YOUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE. Some take it to further extremes then others, but in general an unkempt body, means an unkempt man. But, if you dare take it too far, highlights, painted nails, eyeliner, etc. you run the risk of swinging that pendulum in the opposite direction and coming off too feminine, too high maintenance, and gay. Do not let this sway you though, you must concentrate on your appearance. I have heard girlfriends complain of guys they’re dating, from both sides, either it’s too much, or too little. Like-wise your dress will communicate many things to other guys, but typically ONLY if you’re over dressed or seem to take too much care of yourself. But, don’t worry too much about this as again, if you concentrate on it, but don’t take it too far, these criticisms are most likely fear as well.
Finally most of the guys I know, myself included, are just plain lazy when it comes to worrying about their appearance. Whether this is steeped in true fear, or simply a busy schedule, it just takes a backseat to the other shit we have to get done. But, if you start small, and take care of a few key things, it takes little or no time to look your best.
Getting Back to “Like Me For Me”
Many guys think, my woman “should just like me for me.” I believed this, as well as saying “screw you” to any outward signs of wealth or peacocking (showing off). But, I have since switched my personal beliefs. First, what makes you, you? Although there are SOME things that you may not have control over, I’m thinking you have control over most of your personality/life and can craft and grow it over time… if you really want to. So, your appearance, your psyche, most everything that makes “you you” is sculptable (is that a word?). You can manipulate it and grow over time. Secondly, taking care of these things, helps you communicate that good guy inside better. If you’re looking for a great job, or a great woman, you will be inherently judged by this measure. Why not simply put your best foot forward in order to try to sway an outcome in your favor?
Simply running some water through my hair and smelling decent while in the grocery store has led to many connections that I might otherwise not have had. So trim your pubes.
At ManWhole, we’ll try to make you whole. Concentrating on fashion will be one key area, and hell – we may even have some women chime in, because ultimately, let’s not kid ourselves, that’s who we’re dressing up for in the first place right? So check back frequently for news on everything from Cologne, belts, jackets, jeans, and overall fashion tips.
