Back in New Jersey for the first time since 2007 there’s been a slight adjustment period.
My dad and brother have moved, but not far, so everything is vaguely familiar but it’s different. Not sure if that makes sense but just hear me out.
When you’re driving in New Jersey it’s just weird. The speed limits make absolutely no sense. You’ll be driving down what looks like a highway but the speed limit is 35. You turn down a side road through a neighborhood and it’s 55.
And since it’s Jersey, the same road will change speed limits approximately seven times every 3.13 miles.
Oh, and if you think the title of this story doesn’t make any sense, I challenge you to drive past exit 13 on the New Jersey Turnpike with your windows open. There’s a bunch of power plants and factories and it smells like a permanent stink bomb went off.
Check it out, I just Googled “New Jersey Turnpike Smell” my personal favorite entry is “New York Smelt it, but New Jersey Dealt it,” or if you have a really sick sense of humor, just click here, I looked up “Jersey Turnpike” on UrbanDictionary.com and well, the results weren’t good.
Think that’s weird, well we’re just beginning.
Here’s the two weirdest things about driving in New Jersey.
1. Jughandles
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’ve never driven in the Northeast or Midwest.
Back in Florida, if you want to make a left hand turn, you just hop into the left hand lane, throw your signal on and dart in between traffic hoping for the best. You know, normal driving.
Not in Jersey.
To go left, take a right
So my brother has me drive because he has a new car, he wants me to check it out. He’s in the passenger seat giving me directions and goes at the next light make a left. So I get into the left lane and start slowing down and he yells, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m turning left, you just told me!”
“Dumbass, you get in the right lane!”
Yeah, I’m the dumbass.
Then I have to wait for the next intersection but I don’t get over in time because I’m not used to going right to make a left and he’s flipping out.
To make a left hand turn, you have to get into the right hand lane and cross a side street, then go straight instead of turning left. It’s weird, but kind of makes sense, since there’s so much traffic here, it has to reduce accidents. But whatever, when you’re not used to it, it’s weird.
2. Full service gas stations
Of all the possible candidates, this has to be the dumbest thing about being in New Jersey.
I remember as a kid going to full service gas stations, but since I was never old enough to drive, it never really bothered me.
Now that I’m used to driving, it’s really strange.
The gas light comes on so I pull into the nearest Hess station, park the car, and we just sit there. After about a 30 second pause, I go, “Ok, I’ll get it.” Hop out the car and touch the gas pump.
INFIDEL!!!.... cash or credit?
Big mistake.
Some Osama Bin Laden impersonator comes running up to me screaming about touching the gas pump, my brother pops out, throws him some cash and he starts filling it up.
When you’re not accustomed to having gas station attendants, it’s weird.
And their job has to suck. No one is going to tip you, I could have easily filled my tank myself. Plus all of your clothes reek like gas and you’re not even a mechanic.
Oregon is the only other state where full service gas stations are mandatory.
A mechanic is respectable, gas station attendant, not so much.
So if you ever fill up in Jersey, please, please just stay in your car.
-2 to go- (Click here to see why we are keeping count.)
