ManWholer Brendan Galella

This week has been so crazy I forgot all about talking trash for winning the Halloween Fight Club.

We started this website in late September and I didn’t come on board until the beginning of October. We were looking to do something really cool to spark an interest in the website and honestly, we stumbled on this idea by accident.

I saw that Bucky Chini was writing a story called Modern Day Mafia about how Hollywood is putting a beating on your wallet, and I couldn’t see the story until it was posted.

Quickly calling him, I asked him if he was going to do a fantasy football-type draft with gangster movie characters and he said no, but immediately we thought that is one of the greatest ideas of all time.

Since it was October and everyone’s favorite holiday was coming up, we tweaked it to include horror movie characters and brought in Gregg and Zach Katkin to round out the league.

For whatever reason, we weren’t all able to sit down and do the draft, so we just pre-ranked our picks and sent them into Bucky.

A day or two passed and I got an email saying that I landed Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. I really thought it was a joke, there’s no way this squad could ever be touched and that’s not my opinion, that’s all of you who voted.

Quick tangent from Bucky, the chump that got smoked in the finale: ‘Honestly, I had the better team in the finals. But I think the same crew that is officiating the World Series handled the HFC Finals, so they really screwed us over.Its all bulls$%^!’

Originally, this post was supposed to be me talking trash about how I dominated the league (I swept all three match-ups in the championship round) but I’m going to take this space to thank you, the fans for stepping up and supporting our website.

We’re not asking much, just become a fan on face book, sign up for the newsletter, especially this week since I have to bang out 20 stories in a week, and tell your friends if you think the site is worth while. If you’re on facebook, feel free to post our links on your page, so your friends can enjoy the stories as much as you do.

Sure we have fun doing it, but trust me, it takes a lot of work to get all of this put together. We’re lucky to have Zach, honestly I just have to write up something quick, send it in and the rest takes care of itself.

The site looks awesome, but trust me, we’re just getting started. If you know us, then keep supporting us, we’re all doing this on the side while trying to juggle full time jobs. Imagine if we had time to do this?

Seriously, what other website can you name where one of the writers has to knock out 20 stories in a week otherwise he’ll have a profile made for him on Gay Friend Finder. Those are some serious stakes at hand.

And I have to do that while I’m on vacation!

So thanks to everyone for reading our site, and tell your friends to sign-up, either for the newsletter or on face book, it’s easy to do and it helps us spread our message, whatever it may be that day. Spreading the ManWhole is what we are trying to do.

Manwhole.com is taking over the internet.

-9 to go- (Click here to see why we are keeping count.)

Brendan says: The biggest difference? Jason can’t be touched. No matter what happens, Jason is coming back and slashing you up till you’re done. Leatherface is a bad-ass, no argument here, but one cut from Jason and he’s done. Besides, you really want to battle Jason with a guy that has bitch tits?

Bucky says: Bitch tits? That’s 100% man meat! Oh, who am I kidding, they are bitch tits. But check this out. Teddy Roosevelt, Jack Black, Jack Nicholson, Rick Ross, and the guy who hugged Edward Norton in the movie Fight Club. You know what they have in common, bitch tits. So now, tell me they aren’t cool, yeah, that’s what I thought. Leatherface is as durable as  Jason. This guy cut himself with a chainsaw and was still able to make a last stand. Jason will notice the bitch tits, get confused, and be slaughtered with a swift slash through that stupid hockey mask. Be original son!

Brendan says: Are you kidding me? Freddy haunts your dreams and Pinhead haunts what? Nobody knows because nobody has ever seen Hellraiser, I rented it a few days ago for this argument and he doesn’t do anything. Toe to toe Freddy would destroy him, what would Pinhead do, try and rub his face on you? Freddy has the glove, the ability to pop up anywhere and most of all, people know who he is. Next debate.

Bucky says: Now, I realize that I’m huge underdog in this match, and the entire final round actually, but I want you to think about something. Freddy rules the nightmare scene. Nightmares come from your head. Who can control your head? The guy that has pins is his. So actually, this fight would never happen because Pinhead would control the mind and destroy any chance of Freddy harming anything. I hope that didn’t hurt your head, cause I’m a little woozy. But hey, you dribble, shoot, and hope it goes in, right?

Brendan says: Michael Myers…. Michael…. Myers…. Michael, motha eet-ret Myers…. This guy put Halloween on the map! What’s not to like about a guy who is always chasing big boobies? Mike has been through it all, and still remains as the most feared Halloween villain ever. I don’t even know why I’m even trying here. The prosecution rests your honor, your witness.

Bucky says: Maybe it’s just me, but anybody who actually eats people is too crazy to mess with. Lil Mikey is cool cause he can jump out and scare large-breasted teens. But, has anybody ever made you squirm in your seat like Hannibal? This guy is off the charts in the ‘disturbing’ category. Hannibal is a methodical killing…no, mutilating, machine. Myers’ scare tactics aren’t going to work on Hannibal. This, of course, will ruin Michael’s chances of having his opponent conveniently trip over a rug, leaving him with an easy kill. Lecter will snatch that butter knife out of Mike’s hands, cut him wide open, and eat him, while Myers watches.

Opening Round

Results

So the stage is set, the lights are ready, the hot dog guy is boiling up the freshest pig intestines he’s ever had, and there are thousands of fans lining up around the block to get their tickets for the final three matches of the 09 Halloween Fight Club. Luckily for you, all you have to do is stick to our ManWhole, and you can get all the action from your computer.

In the first round we witnessed a near upset by Dracula, over Freddy Krueger, a complete annihilation of everybody’s favorite Halloween doll, and seen some of the ugliest people to ever be on camera. ManWhole writer’s Brendan and Bucky are facing off in the Finals, but they can only choose three villains to represent them.

The squads are as follows:

Brendan chose – Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees

“Are you kidding me? There is no possible way I can loose this match. I have the “Big Three” in my corner. If you ask anybody to name three Halloween villains, I guarantee you these three would be it. And do you know why? Because they are the baddest of all bad asses. They rule the villain scene. Game, set, match, son!”

Bucky chose – Leatherface, Pinhead, and Hannibal Lecter

“Leatherface had the highest win percentage in the first round out of all the competitors. So he can get me a ‘W’. And Pinhead and Hannibal are tough competitors, there are no push overs. I realize that Brendan has his “Big Three (inches)”, but that doesn’t scare me. If I can get fair match-ups, I can pull off the upset.”

The match-ups have been randomly selected, and here is the fight card with the release dates and times.

October 27th, 2009 – 9 pm EST Rescheduled – Rain delay – 9:01 pm EST

October 28th, 2009 – 9:15 pm EST

October 29th, 2009 – 9:08.43 pm EST

Just click on the picture, and it take you to the fight arena. Again, the winner is based on your votes. So, read the arguments, and decided who you want to win by voting at the bottom. Let the game begin!

WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME!

Brendan will face-off against Bucky in the final round. However, there’s a twist. Both competitors can only bring three villains to the 09 Halloween Fight Club Finals. Stay tuned because the Finals will take place the week of Halloween.

Jason Voorhees

The Creeper

Gregg says: He doesn’t need to eat very often, but when he does you don’t have a prayer son. But don’t get it twisted, this Creeper isn’t a child molester, he just stalks high school kids. Oh yeah, and he kills them. Jason is always searching for his inner child, and the Creeper can get inside him and play with it, I mean kill him. That’s right, kill him dead.

Brendan says: What could the Creeper possibly do that hasn’t been done to Jason before? He’s drowned, been shot, run over by a car, stabbed and lit on fire. And his mask is still so fresh and so clean clean, it is impossible to touch Jason. Jason Voorhees would absolutely demolish the Creeper if they were to square off. Would it even really matter if it was Friday the 13^th? He can kick some ass no matter what the calendar says. Who was the most famous person the Creeper ever killed? No one knows because Jeepers Creepers was pretty lame. What about Voorhees? During the original Friday the 13^th, he took out Kevin Bacon, that’s right, The Kevin Bacon. Jason wins in a landslide.

Zach says: Do you know how mean the streets of Shaolin are? Here’s what Ghostface has to say in Hidden Darts:

Yo, I’ve done walked on fire (fire), never got burnt (burnt)
Slept on glass (glass), never got cut (cut)”

Ghostface has never been cut. You think some guy who can only get innocent girls in the shower can step to him. It’s over, just one prank phone call to the Bates Motel will have Norman all bloodied up, no problem.

Bucky says: Ghostface should be ashamed of himself that he even showed up to the fight. This is like Takeru Kobayashi trying to compete with Monica Lewinsky; no matter how many wieners he stuffs down his throat, he will never be as famous as she is. Norman Bates is the o-ridge-o-nail. You can’t tell me that you’ve never stood behind your boss and motioned stabbing them while playing the violin screeching sound effects in your head. Norman Bates holds the hardcore factor because he doesn’t try to hide his face like Ghostface does with that stupid mask (pussy). And how can you vote against the villain in one of the most celebrated horror movies of all time. Sucka please!

Dracula

Freddy Krueger

Gregg says: Dracula is my kinda guy. He’s smooth, charismatic, and his milkshake brings all the girls to the yard. And he’s got a cape, so you can’t even see him in the dark. Dracula is a classic. He’s the reason Brittney Spears made a comeback, such a womanizer.

Brendan says: Just look at the two pictures, what is not creepy about Freddy? He’s on my team and I’m still scared of him. If this was the pimp Olympics or something, Dracula would take the title no problem, but facing off to the death? No way. Freddy has the creepy Michael Jackson glove (too soon?) and even his voice bugs me out. One question, were you more frightened the first time you saw Freddy Kruger or Dracula? Thought so.

Jack Torrance

Hannibal Lecter

Bucky says: This might be the best match-up of the entire first round. I really can’t slam my opponent because I have mad respect for Jacky T. But, if there is one guy that is crazier than him, it has to be Hannibal Lecter. You find me somebody else that has eaten Ray Liotta’s brain, while he is still alive, and then we can talk…(drops the mic)

Zach says: You have to be kidding me. This is not even a close contest. Jack Torrance is a known alcoholic, carries around memories of his disturbed childhood, drove an axe into a man’s heart, and even tried to kill his own son. Jack, Mr. Torrance if you’re nasty, is hands down the craziest villain in this competition and there is no way he would ever loose this fight.