I feel your pain Billy Bob.
Oh yes, it is that time of year again. And you know it, because they started to play Christmas carols at your local Wal-Mart two months ago. I don’t know about you, but I hate Christmas music! I guess it is because of what the melodies are supposed to represent: being merry and gay (yes BG, I threw that in for you). What if I don’t want to be merry? And what if I already am gay? Then this time of year is completely wasted on me, and I need to go back and listen to my Marilyn Manson CD.
Ok, I got a little off topic here.
Although I am not a Kris Kringle fan, I do partake in the festivities of holiday shopping (angrily might I add, since the damn music haunts me from store to store). This year is awkwardly tough for everyone with that damn recession we have all been hearing about in play, so I have come up with a few cheap gift ideas for you fellas to get your sweethearts for the holidays. How could we make this any easier for you guys? You are getting gift ideas for your woman, from a woman. Take heed if you know what’s good for you (and your little buddy). I’ll set the budget at $50, and with a little creativity and shear genius, you my dearies have FIVE gift ideas.
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You stuff the stocking and you stuff it hard!
SEXY STOCKINGS: My boyfriend and I did this last year. Go to your favorite sex shop and purchase as many little trinkets of your liking to stuff each others stockings with. (For example: pocket rockets, condoms, candy with naughty messages on them, sex coupon books, handcuffs, etc.) I even threw a mini bottle of tequila in there, just to get the party started.
- FRAMED PHOTO: Yeah, I know! This was your classic high school gift, but if you get creative with it- it can be special. Have a friend of yours take a few candid shots of you and your lady. Try and make sure these were taken WITHOUT her knowledge, which is what adds the element of surprise later. If you like, add some photos of her cat/dog/bird/fish in the mix. Put all these photos together in one of those collage frames. If you really want to get mushy, leave one frame open to add a poem or love note in there. This will not only give you brownie points, but it can also be used as a reminder of you while you are away. You know, instead of the stinky socks you left sitting on the living room floor again.
- MIX CD: Again, I’m taking it back old school! Maybe it is because I have never had a guy make me a mixed tape back in middle school (Oh my, I just had a flashback of me standing on the wall at a school dance), but I promise you that girls still find this sweet. There is something about lyrics put to a melody that makes a girl’s heart swoon, and I promise you that your little lady will wear your disc out while playing it over and over again in her car on the way to work. If your girl happens to be more high tech than I am (which isn’t hard BTW), then upload a bunch of songs to her iPod.
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Jenner: Really, I don’t get it? Another example of DBTG!
CANDY: “Hello McFly, are you there?” In case you do not have much luck with the ladies like that douche-bag Brody Jenner from MTV’s the “Hills,” then you might have not noticed that chicks dig candy! Most of them sniff out chocolate like sharks do blood. And they want it… ALL THE TIME: Late night snack, lunch break, morning upper, for desert, during their period, after their period, while their being a bitch, when they are not being a bitch (ok, like that ever happens), but you get my point. I, on the other hand, am a huge sour-gummy lover. My all time fav, sour jelly belly jelly beans (If you would like to be a total brown-noser & would like to win over this lady ManWholer, just send those endorsements my way). Anyhow, whatever gets your sweet cheeks’ mouth watering; buy her two giant bags of it. Open one bag & leave pieces of her favorite candy all around her place like it’s an Easter egg hunt. Not only will she have fun snatching & eating, but she’ll think it was cute you used your time. With the second bag, empty it into a nice container. She can take it anywhere with her (in the car, to work or class) and will again think about you while she is away.
- HOBBY TOOLS: Every girl has their itch that they need to scratch sometimes. Get your girl something that shows her you really understand her! If she is into painting, get her canvases, paint & brushes. If she is like me and enjoys writing, get her a journal & pens. If she enjoys getting liquored up, buy her a bottle of her favorite poison and watch the love flow. One thing guys should remember, it’s not the amount or price of an item that the girl cares about, it’s the thought that was put into it. This kind of present shows you care about more than what is inside her pajama pants.
I hope you got the jest here. Yes, most girls would prefer a tiny little pastel-blue box with the words “Tiffany & Co” etched on it, but the realistic chica will relish in your creativity. Secretly, all we want is something to remember you by. Jewelry and flowers are nice, but your passion and sensitivity (did she really just use that word to describe men?) does not show in those kind of generic gifts. We want to know that you think about us as much as we do you throughout the day, and these gifts will give that feeling. Take a chance and throw yourself out on a limb there bucko, you might just enjoy what you’ll receive later that night.
