All that is waiting for you is working too many hours, paying bills you don’t want to pay, especially the ones that cost too much for no reason (screw you car insurance!) having to deal with weird co-workers, having annoying people try and talk to you about stuff you don’t want to talk about (politics) and worst of all, trying to find a girl that isn’t crazy.

Anyway, there’s only a few escapes that you have to get away from it all: watching football on Sundays, college football on Saturdays, basketball from October-June, making fun of your friends and of course, watching people getting shot in movies.

A girl that's down to chill on the couch is a keeper.

Now being a huge sports guy (as evidenced by the ridiculous amount of time I spend writing about the NBA and NFL) I hate sports movies with a passion. They all have the same formula, an underdog team is thrown together, this ragtag group starts out bickering and not getting along, then a bully-type team beats them miserably.

The group bands together, overcomes the odds, makes an improbably reaches the championship and defeats the same team that trashed them in the beginning.

Blah, so that’s why I really only watch action and horror movies.

Of course, the problem is when you head out to the movie theater, you encounter plenty of DBTGs.

So many at the movies but lets take a look at some: the guy that insists the book was better than the movie (yeah right butthole) the Hollywood insider that flings around rumors about who turned down the starring role, the aspiring director that disagrees with the artistic decisions made in the film, the guy that ruins the ending for everyone.

Of course there’s a few more, the guy with the annoying ringtone that goes off during the movie, the guy that insists on using both armrests, the guy that wants to have a conversation with you during the movie even though he came to the flick by himself, the guy who yells at the screen and the guy who already has seen the movie and keeps telling you to watch this part.

But all of those DBTGs can’t hold a candle to today’s Don’t Be That Guy, the guy that points out different, insignificant flaws in the movie.

You know what I’m talking about. I was watching The Boondock Saints with a friend of mine, and during the climatic scene where four people are blasting off a stream of shots at each other, he pipes up and says, “Yeah, right, like they can shoot that many shots without reloading,” which really pissed me off.

Hold on, check this scene out:

At any point were you wondering if the guys would stop, pull out another clip (30 bullets) load it and resume fighting. Really? That would make the movie that much better?

I can’t help but just nod my head at those notions.

That is just one example, I remember watching Independance Day in the theaters and at some point the aliens were attacking Washington D.C. and then they panned over to what was happening in Los Vegas or wherever Will Smith was.

They showed the two different scenes and the president went from D.C. to Vegas in only a few hours, and someone piped up about how there was no way Air Force One could make it in less than an hour that far.

Techinically, there is no material, on Earth or anywhere else, that could produce a spaceship that big and still fly. Be realistic here. Gosh!

So during the course of a movie where aliens are invading Earth with unimaginable crafts blowing up buildings and crap with space weapons we’ve never seen before, Will Smith punching aliens in the face saying “Welcome to Earth,” Jeff Goldblum solving the whole crisis but sending a computer virus to disable the space ship…

You’re concerned about the realistic travel time for Air Force One to fly from Washington D.C. to Vegas. That movie came out in 1996 and I’m still pissed off at that guy, whenever I watch it, I just expect someone to blurt out “Yeah right, there’s no way he could make it out west in less than 3 hours,” and I want to stab them.

Only it never happens and I just have an imaginary argument in my head about nothing. See why you shouldn’t be that guy? Even 14 years after the movie came out, it still bothers me that someone is all negative about things.

While some movies stretch out way too long, there’s a group of tools out there that want to extend the running time with meaningless things like explaining how Air Force One reaches Vegas in record time or reloading guns before firing again or explaining how if you take the blue pill it can cause indigestion, or whatever the hell you’re babbling about, just remember what ManWhole.com is trying to teach you.

Don’t Be That Guy, the movie realist.

You have a couple of dollars stashed away in the bank, so you can’t play the broke card, but since you’re still young, you really can’t keep up with the ballers. But at 25, I have to step my game up.

Unfortunately, that means so long nickle beer night and hello way too expensive bar tabs.

Going out on a date no longer means scraping together some change, buying some Chinese food, renting a movie for $1 from Redbox, downing some Natty Light and borrowing some Chips Ahoy from the neighbor.

Not that I’ve ever done that or anything.

When you try and step up it means transitioning from hanging out with douchy frat guys to old frat guys that wear boat shoes and tie sweaters around their necks.

Getting old means more interactions with this guy when you go out.

The switch up in bars means an all new experience with Don’t Be That Guy’s (DBTGs) and the worst part is most of these guys are older, so you can’t just beat them up because they are savvy enough to bring lawyers into the equation and have more money than you do, so more power.

The worst part about being at a bar with older guys is they actually talk to you sometimes. When you do or say something stupid, they’ll be like “I remember when I was your age …”

Or if you talk about the game on television, they’ll invariably jump in and tell you that football is a savage man’s game and if you want to watch a real sport you should enjoy the elegance and beauty of horse racing.

Suck my balls, football kicks ass and you know it. You’re just too much of a p&$$^ to admit it. I want to spit my beer all over that guys face when he starts in with that bull crap. I like basketball and football, and when I’m 75, you know what I’m going to be complaining about? Watching the Bucs every Sunday and how much the Knicks suck, and I’ll like it.

That’s just one of the guys you don’t want to be at the expensive bar, but there’s plenty more.

There’s the 50 year old guy that only hooks up with girls under 25 (it’s probably cool to be that guy when you’re 5o, but when you see girls your age hook up with old guys because of money, it’s the worst thing ever), the wine aficionado that doesn’t shut the hell up, the old guy that tries to tag along with you and your friends because you’re having fun, the old guy that doesn’t get out of the way at the bar because he’s unsuccessfully flirting with the bartender, the guy that’s seen one too many Richard Gere movies and starts over complimenting your girlfriend right in front of you.

Richard Gere would be cool if he went by Dick Gere.

The world traveler that keeps telling you how much better some crappy place like Saudi Arabia is way more advanced than the United States will ever be, even though you never said anything to him, the businessman that plows into you, spilling your drink because he’s conducting business on his BlackBerry or the guy that has nothing better to do and just tries to throw up a cock block (which is actually pretty cool because it backfires on them) for no apparent reason.

But the worst old guy out of all of them has to be the douche that lights a stogie on a crowded patio.

Going out is lame when you encounter this guy.

Living in Tampa, which was literally built because of the cigar industry, it’s cool that it’s such a part of the culture here. I’m not against cigar smoking, but when you’re trying to enjoy a meal or just a nice night out, having some old guy spitting all over the place and all of the stank ass smell that comes with cigars, all I’m saying is there’s a time and place.

Cigar factories still dominate the landscape in Tampa.

Cigars have had a huge impact on this city, you can see the factories all over town and it’s one of the things that makes Tampa so great. Since Tampa is the Cigar City of Florida, there are plenty of cigar bars all over the city for you to enjoy.

Instead, most of these wealthy douchebags decide to light up a stogie, sit back and relax at the same time you’re trying to eat a nice dinner. The problem with cigars is once they’re lit, they stink up the area around you for hours.

Even the most hardcore cigar connoisseurs admit the stale scent left by cigars just an hour or so after it’s finished smells worse than Brian Fantana’s Sex Panther cologne from Anchorman.

The process of cigar smoking is just too much and it should be confined to just use at home or in cigar bars.

So Don’t be that Guy: The cigar smoking douche.

Spend two or more hours in a car with someone and you know tons about them: what kind of music they listen to, if they have road rage or not (probably carries over in their life too), if they are good at making fun of someone else (driving in Florida gives you so many opportunities), basically it forces you to talk and get to know the other person.

Take a potential girlfriend on a small day trip and by the time you get home, you’ll know for sure if she’s a keeper or not.

She looks sweet now. You'll know for sure after two hours in the car.

Unfortunately for guys, sometimes taking a road trip involves your friends and you have to squeeze into a car and make it to wherever it is you’re going.

This provides prime examples for Don’t Be That Guy’s to emerge and since you’re in close quarters, there’s only so much you can do about it.

Quick side tangent, how come four girls can fit into the backseat of a car with no problem but if four guys just get into the same car, you can’t go 10 miles with out an argument coming to blows because of leg room?

Anyway, besides being the tall guy (a role I’ve been holding down since I was 14) in a car there are plenty of more DBTGs on a road trip.

There’s the guy that has the small bladder, the guy that has the crappy music on his iPod, the guy that wants to take a picture in the car (instant ass kicking if that goes down) the guy that won’t chip in for gas, the guy that constantly plays with the passenger seat, the guy that won’t duck so the driver can see out his rear view mirror.

The guy that insists on not using the GPS because it’s “not manly”, the same guy that knows a back road and either gets you lost or thrown into more traffic, the guy that falls asleep and tries to lean on another guy, the guy that yells at pedestrians but isn’t funny, the guy that farts, the guy that spills his drink on the seat etc…

The GPS is the best thing ever to happen in car technology this decade.

The worst of all of them, and today’s DBTG is the guy that answers a phone call while driving the car and doesn’t shut the f$%# up.

There’s not much you can do if this guy answers the phone, since he’s driving you can’t punch him, he lowers the volume of the radio so he can hear the conversation, essentially forcing you to tag along and listen to his useless conversation.

Any sensible DBTG would be smart and ask other questions like, “Is she going to be ok?” and the like; falsely convincing the rest of the car to believe the call is an important one.

But once you start talking about your toe nail clipping schedule, how you can’t wait to watch The Notebook when you get home or say for the fifth time that nothing is going on, then it’s time to hang up.

No one cares about your phone conversation, especially in the car.

The worst part is when it’s the driver on the phone, you have to be somewhat respectable because he can end up killing you and all.

So let’s examine a few maneuvers to make someone get off the phone and avoid becoming a DBTG.

You and your friends can yell as loud as you can until he hangs up, keep messing with the volume on the radio, just knock the phone out of his hand, reach over and honk the horn, or my personal favorite, act like he almost just got into an accident and then slap him on the arm, point out the windshield and tell him to pay attention.

Sure the guy talking on the phone is better than the guy texting on the phone, but the at least the guy texting isn’t annoying when he potentially kills you.

So there’s your gem for the day, Don’t Be That Guy, the in car cell phone conversationalist.

Walking through the Newark Airport it looked like a regular breeding ground for Don’t Be That Guys (DBTG) it was really unbelievable.

At every turn someone even more douchy than the last person appeared. The airport is just an entire building crawling with DBTGs.

Some people need a license to operate their luggage.

Some of my favorites at the airport are the guy that talks on speaker phone when sitting in the common area, the guy at the baggage carousel that won’t get out of your way even though you said your luggage is right there, the guy that scopes out every other passenger like he’s an Air Marshal, the guy that blows up the bathroom, the business man that insists on showing you how important his work is on his laptop.

Everyone is in a hurry at the airport. Get out of the way when someone says they see thier bag.

The guy that can’t properly maneuver his rolling suitcase, the guy that wants you to be impressed that he’s flying first class, the guy that tries to eat your measly snack after woofing his down, the guy that thinks he’ll get into the Mile High Club with one of the stewardesses, the guy that tries to talk to you about what you’re reading and one of the worst, the guy that sneezes on you.

Believe it or not, all of those guys have nothing on the first ever travel edition of DBTG.

For this flight my seat was towards the back of the plane, meaning I was one of the first passengers to board the flight. Going from Newark to Tampa is always crowded and I don’t know about the rest of you but as other people come onto the plane, I play the “Please don’t let them sit next to me,” game.

Sitting next to any guy on an airplane sucks.

Plus I had the window seat, meaning whoever had the middle seat would be pinned up next to me for the next two and a half hours. So there was a lot on the line here.

People eyed the middle seat but ultimately passed. A few minutes went by and an old lady took the aisle seat in our row.

Then the DBTG emerged. I almost broke out a prayer that he wouldn’t be sitting next to me, and somehow he ended up three rows in front of me.

I almost lost it I wanted to yell so badly.

The flight takes off and everything seems to be going smoothly. There’s a three-year-old girl and her mother towards the middle of the plane and as once everyone’s ears started popping, the little girl starts crying.

Normal stuff, but as the minutes go on, the crying gets louder and louder. The mom is trying to calm her down, but not really much you can do at this point.

The DBTG pipes up and starts yelling for the mom to quite the kid. He starts calling over all the flight attendants asking if there’s something they can do, but obviously there’s not, and he demands a seat change.

Unfortunately the only open seat is the one right next to me. I see him point at the seat and the flight attendant looks at me. I couldn’t shake my head “NO!!!” any faster than what I did, but to no avail.

I would of rather had snakes on my plane than have to sit next to that guy.

Standing at 6’4 can be an advantage in certain situations but not when trying to squeeze into an airplane seat. Any legroom is a bonus and not having someone in the middle seat is the best thing in the world.

DBTG plops down next to me and says “Can you believe that kid?” What reaction could I give?

I just said, “It’s a little girl man, calm down,” put my headphones on and put my book to my face so he’d never talk to me.

For the rest of the flight we played the armrest, legroom shuffle for position and it couldn’t have been more of an uncomfortable flight. He was a short guy, one of those guys that knows he’s short and has to act like he’s bigger so he tried to take up more room.

I just pointed at my arms and legs to say, I need this room butthole and this isn’t even your seat, so tone it down. But since this is a DBTG, he didn’t get the message.

I wasn’t about to go down his douchy path. It sucks, I hate when people try and spin their story about how they’re not out of line when they are.

So Don’t Be That Guy: The airplane seat switcher that unnecessarily takes up more room and yells about little girls crying.

You’ve heard it before.

The immortal and most memorable quote from Scarface: “All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.”

Trying to coordinate 20 different people for a bachelor-bachelorette party is tough, but doing it when you live over 1,000 miles away (Tampa to central Jersey) and you don’t know most of the people going: nearly impossible.

Today it’s the wedding edition of Don’t Be That Guy, a series on Manwhole.com where we try to improve the world a little bit at a time by eliminating douches from ruining our day.

P.D.B.T.A. (please don't be that asshole)

Everywhere you go there are plenty of guys you don’t want to be: the guy that wants to be the star of the wedding video, the guy that hits on every girl at the wedding, including the bride, the guy that wears sneakers to the wedding, the guy that constantly complains about wearing a tuxedo/suite, the guy that wants to be part of the band… there’s a few more.

The guy that doesn’t tip the bartender because it’s an open bar, the guy that uses profanity in front of kids (seriously, don’t be that guy), the guy that doesn’t get a gift and finally, the guy that wants to take the centerpiece at the table home.

(Got that from my brother, one of his friends wanted it for his mom, sad to be that guy)

Easily the most annoying among these guys is the guy that RSVP’s “Yes” to the bachelor party, holds out on paying, then a day before the party goes down, decides to back out leaving you to foot the bill.

The worst part of the (man) whole thing is that I don’t even know this guy, and now everyone else has to chip in a couple of extra bucks to cover just because this guy doesn’t want to be included.

So you know what’s cool when you don’t know anyone and you’re collecting money for the party? Being the guy that no one knows and collecting more money because someone else you don’t know decided not to come.

So now it’s a little awkward, the first email I to the group asked for $125, and then a bunch of people elected not to come, which worked out ok. But the loss of people pushed the money up a few more dollars for everyone.

Then we got a final head count, booked a party bus, open bar at where we’re going, and food coverage but losing people at the last just ruins the experience for everyone because of additional money is necessary.

This is the second bachelor party I’ve ever been to (and second this month) but apparently this is a reoccurring theme, and whoever is the best man (in this case, me) has to foot the bill for all the buttholes that screw you over in the party process.

It’s simple, if you don’t want to go, can’t go or are unsure if you can go, than just say no. This way we’re not counting on you and we’ll be good to go.

Since all the money was collected in New Jersey, I didn’t have any control over what was really happening. I was just trusting that people would come through, I’m not hurting financially, but I’m not in a position to throw away a few hundred dollars on a dude I don’t know.

It’s just jacked up, when I see that guy, I want to punch him in the face and I don’t even know what he looks like.

Hating unknown people isn’t right, but when it directly costs me money, then yeah, it’s on.

Since you broke your word, you’re breaking my balls. And worse, my bank account.

So Don’t Be That Guy: The Bachelor Party Backer-Outer.

-18 to go- (Click here to see why we are keeping count.)

You have the guy who pees directly into a main walkway, the guy that burns all the food on the grill, the guy that can’t throw a football but plays catch anyway and he ends up throwing the ball into a group of people getting you in trouble.

Don’t worry, there’s more. The guy for whatever reason hugs you for a greeting then ends up holding on to you a little too long, the guy that throws up, the guy that keeps yelling profanities even though there are kids within five feet, the guy that invites other guys over to your tailgate (a HUGE no-no) or the guy that roots for the other team just to be annoying.

A man hug is acceptable after a touchdown, not at a tailgate.

All of these guys are viable candidates for the tailgating DBTG (Don’t be that guy), but there is one that stands out as the premier outdoor butthole.

Now the next few paragraphs are going to appear to be gross exaggerations of what transpired but rest assured this guy exists.

Today’s DBTG is the way too into it beer pong player.

Attending the University of South Florida really means one thing, you better be ready to tailgate for some football.

Since most games are at night, to combat the intense Tampa heat, Saturdays really belong to the fans.

The latest our group arrived to tailgate would be a noon, allowing plenty of interactions with DBTGs.

For years we parked at the same tailgate spot and began to really get to know the people in the area.

But there was one group we never approached simply because of this DBTG.

They had a serious beer pong set up, a nice table with USF graphics all over it and even little holders for the cups, a nice development in beer pong technology.

Still even with a sweet set-up we wanted no part of it. Everyone else at the table was cool, but one guy was way too into the game.

He wore a beer pong glove and before playing went through an intricate pre-shot routine like Nomar Garciaparra preparing for an at bat (would show you but the MLB is lame and doesn’t allow their videos online) but just know it was really obnoxious.

Each shot was taken like it was a round of Russian roulette. That’s how intense this guy was. Before every shot he would kick one leg back, bounce on it a few times and fling it forward like a three-year-old trying to shoot on a 10 foot basketball hoop. Good times.

If you gear up for beer pong, you should reevaluate some things.

The glove was only the beginning.

Anyway, each shot was life or death for this guy. If he sank one, he reacted like Broncos coach Josh McDaniels after he beat the Patriots.

If he missed, which was often, he really sucked, he flipped out more than Hitler when he found out he had the swine flu.

That’s enough videos, sorry about that.

So every shot was like launching a game winner in the NBA Finals for this guy. But what really cracked me up, and I wish I could make this up, was his girlfriend would dab his head with a towel after each shot, like she was his corner man in a heavyweight fight.

It was unbelievable to watch and it didn’t happen just once or twice, this was every home game for years.

Even the Shamwow guy dosen't sweat a beer pong game that hard.

The best part was when her friends would say “What the hell are you doing?” she would just say something like “He really needs me.”

Ladies, please have more respect for yourself than that. No beer pong game is worth that much. These guys weren’t even gambling on the outcome, it was just for fun.

Again, this went on for years and our group just decided that DBTG had to go down. We were sick of hearing him play, sick of the glove, sick of the girlfriend. We were fed up, he was taking an L today.

We threw together a quick tournament and the winners were nominated to go to the other table and shut this guy down.

Two brothers ended up winning to represent our group and went over to face the DBTG and some other kid.

DBTG pulled out all the tactics, putting his face near the table trying to force a miss, letting out a quick yelp before each of his opponents shots and citing rule books about a ball hitting one cup and landing in another.

Really pulling out all the stops to prove he was a guy you would never want to hang out with.

When the game finally ended, DBTG took a loss, as expected and reenacted Tom Brady’s pre-game handshake with Eli Manning from Super Bowl XLII.

Ever since that loss, DBTG wouldn’t even look over in our direction and was scared to ever play us in beer pong again.

Seriously, it’s a game of beer pong, people lose all the time. I lost and wasn’t able to beat DBTG, I’m mad about that, but still carry on with my life.

As we’ve discussed, there are plenty of guys you don’t want to be at a college football tailgate.

But if you have to narrow down which one guy is the worst to be, there’s no question.

Don’t be that guy, the serious ponger.

Yes, the rumors are true. I'm friends with that guy.

All of us have friends that have left us speechless.

For some of you it’s because they do something incredible like volunteer with kids or provide the proper insight to guide you through a difficult situation.

In my case, it’s because one of my best friends does a lot of dumb stuff.

Last week we introduced the concept of Don’t Be That Guy (DBTG) but my friend, we’ll call him “Danny”  really should change his name to DBTG.

There are plenty of instances where writing a story such as this is necessary, and this tale is absolutely impressive because he not only was way too drunk; he became a DBTG in front of a comedian.

What makes this story even more special is today’s DBTG also has a chance to explain himself, so a few of his quotes will be scattered throughout the story.

Let’s just get right into it.

One night a few friends and the DBTG went out to the Tampa Improv to see the very funny Bill Burr.

You may know him from his stand-up specials on both Comedy Central and HBO or even his various characters on Chappelle’s Show. Burr can be seen as one of the announcers for “The World Series of Dice” and the “Racial Draft” or my personal favorite, as one of the guys in the beer commercial “Dude’s Night Out.”

Anyway, following a great set, Burr makes the show even better by being one of the cool comedians and hangs out with the crowd near the bar for a few minutes after the show.

Burr is standing by himself at a round table with a few copies of his DVD for “Why Do I Do This” his Comedy Central special that came out earlier in 2009.

Great stand up performance, better reaction to DBTG.

Our group, which consists of Stephanie, Sarah, Franklin, DBTG and I, wait in line to get a picture and buy his DVD.

Let’s have DBTG take it away.

“For those that don’t know, the Improv forces you to drink. So given the current atmosphere of the situation, the charismatic person that I am, got into it and I’m feeling the vibes …

That night I was drinking Jack and Coke. Approximately 3 Jack and Cokes and 2 Coors Lights throughout the course of the show …

There’s the background of the story, we’ll get back to what the DBTG has to say, but to steer through the actual events of the night, we’re back into regular story mode.

Our friend Rey goes up first, he buys a DVD from Bill Burr, who gladly signs a copy and shakes his hand. Rey asks if the group can get a picture, I get the camera and take the picture.

“I don’t know what happens from there, but that’s when it went pretty crazy,” Rey said. “Everything was cool, but then “Danny” started to mess the whole night up.”

Really DBTG is not the one with the beer, it's someone else.

After this  picture is taken, DBTG then asks Burr how much his DVD costs. “$20”Burr said. “It’s my new special, it’s really funny.”

DBTG then reaches in his pocket and pulls out his middle finger and flicks Burr off.

“Bill Burr is feeling it, I’m feeling Bill Burr,” DBTG said, followed by me laughing way too hard. “No, DO NOT PUT THAT IN THERE. I SWEAR TO GOD BRENDAN. NOT IN THE LITERAL SENSE …

I tell him how much I appreciated the show and then ask him how much are your DVDs? He told me $20. Me and Bill Burr are tight now, I reach in my pocket and pulled out my middle finger.”

Look at Bill Burr trying to cover his DVDs, that beer will soon be all over them.

Now, this really isn’t the end of the story. Just as a quick side note, it’s never a good idea to flick someone off, especially a stand-up comedian. Burr takes a few verbal jabs at “Danny”, causing me to laugh even more, then it’s redemption time for our friend DBTG.

DBTG explains that the finger was just a joke and that he really liked his show. Burr is cool about the whole situation and lets it roll off his back.

The next series of events is really what makes this night legendary.

After reconciling their differences, DBTG and Burr agree to take one more picture, but inexplicably, the middle finger comes out again, really confusing the comedian.

“I attempt to show him my good gesture, but in the mean time I spill over my Coors Light,” DBTG said. “The beer went all over his DVD collection and (on his pants). Bill looked at me like a deer in the headlights.”

So after flicking off Burr twice and ruining his DVD sales for the rest of the night, DBTG leaves the Improv and lands directly in the DBTG Hall of Fame.

Hopefully Burr can read this one day and know first hand of his encounter with Don’t Be That Guy, Celebrity Flicker Offer and Beer Spiller Guy.

Today brings the first installment of guy etiquette, a motto that is gaining momentum each day: Don’t be that guy.

There are plenty of examples of guys you don’t want to be and many of the basic principles can be taught in the bathroom.

If there are three urinals in the bathroom and you pick the middle one, you automatically become that guy. There is no excuse for picking the middle stall and if you do, it’s official; I simply can’t be friends with you anymore.

The guy that chooses the middle stall probably grew up kicking dogs too.

There are plenty of other examples of DBTG (Don’t be that guy) but the story I’m about to tell is really unbelievable, but trust me, it happened.

It’s time to weave a tale of a trip to the bathroom gone wrong.

WARNING MAN BUTT BELOW

Do I have to say it? Don't be that guy. Ever.

Just down the street from me there is a small Irish Pub that has live musicians and since it’s a small bar, there is plenty of time to interact with any of the performers.

After a few beers, I decide to hit the restroom, there is a small line and behind me comes the singer, an older Irish Folk singer and regular at the bar along with today’s DBTG.

Standing in the line, this interaction goes down:

DBTG: “Hey man, you sound really good up there.”

Irish Singer (IS): “Thanks a lot, appreciate the kind words.”

People come out of the bathroom, I go into the stall and the singer and DBTG go to two open urinals.

Eye contact at the urinal is unacceptable. But compared to what happens in this story, is just a mild man mistake.

DBTG: “So I’m getting married soon and the band I hired backed out on me. You have a great voice, would you…”

IS: “Hey that’s great, would you mind just waiting a few minutes and we can talk outside?”

DBTG:  “I’m just saying you have a beautiful voice and I want you at my wedding.”

IS: “Ok, we can talk just give me a minute.”

Me: (laughing my ass off)

DBTG: “I’m serious…” (apparently reaching over)

IS: “Hey man, don’t ever f#$Ing touch me when I’m pissing.”

Me: (crying after laughing so hard)

DBTG: “Hey wait up, I didn’t tell you the date…”

A man massage may be ok in the NBA locker room, but not at urnials.

I go back out to the bar stand in line for a drink and the Irish singer stands behind me. So of course I start in with “Hey man you have a beautiful voice.”

He snaps, “Serisouly, there was a guy in the bathroom,”

“I know, I know, I was the guy laughing my ass off.”

“It took everything I had not to knock him out, what would possess you to touch someone when they’re pissing?”

Lesson being, Don’t Be That Guy: The Bathroom Man-Toucher.

If you have to be a guy in the bathroom, it's ok to be that guy.