This guy is pissed about Manly Meals V.

Ok fellas, I realize I haven’t been helping much lately. I was unemployed for four months, and writing for the website during most of that. So most of my Manly Meal ideas have been ways to have fun with food while keeping costs to a minimum. Well, guess what? I finally got a job! So, like most people, I took my first check and blew it on a prositute. (Isn’t that normal?) Unfortunately, I started working at the end of the pay-week, so my first check was less than satisfying. Consequently I could only afford the nasty hooker with the gap-toothed smile and the constant inappropriate proposals like, “Wanna see ALL my piercings?” Have I grossed you out yet? Now you don’t even want to think about food. But I promise this time going to be different (that’s what she said). Now that I have a full-time job I can afford to enjoy the finer foods in life. For instance, instead of Ramen in a bag, I’ve moved up to Ramen in a Cup. Instead of chewing ice at snack-time, I enjoy Freezie-Pops. Hell, I even stopped buying Natty Ice! Yup, things are looking up for me. So today’s meal is going to be special. I mean, this meal is going to give your lady, or significant other (cause at ManWhole, we don’t discriminate (I mean seriously, our name is “ManWhole,” how could we?)), wowzers in their trousers. Pay attention, this meal is easy but it seems like a lot of effort would go into it. (chicks dig that)

Show me a man who doesn’t like steak, and I’ll show you a man who cries watching Hope Floats while wearing his Snuggie with his feet stuck out so his toe-nail polish can dry evenly. And I mean, who doens’t like bread? (I’ll tell ya who, Commies, that’s who!) So do you duty for your country and make this steak sandwich that is sure to get you laid. (actual results may vary… mainly depends on how ugly you are.)

Go get yourself some nice thin-cut steak. Not that cheap shit either! Get a nice cut. You are going to need these ingredients to finish the job:

1. salt and pepper
2. onion salt
3. worcestershire sauce
4. butter (just enough to coat the pan)
5. white wine (use that cheap wine that your neighbors got you for christmas. if you haven’t already wasted it.)

Not being able to choose a type of bread is considered a yeast problem.

You need to let the steak marinate first, but only for 5-10 minutes becasue the steak is so thin. It sucks up the juice pretty quick. Dump the whole bottle of wine in a container you can use to marinate in. Add enough salt and pepper to your heart’s desire (or to her liking). Add onion salt. Keep in mind that the onion salt is still a salt, so don’t add too much and overload on the saltyness. (is that even a word?) Add a little dub-shire sauce. I SAID A LITTLE! If you don’t know, worcestershire sauce is very potent, so don’t overload it. Mix it up in the container and add your meat. Well, not your meat, you know, the steak. While the steak is bathing, get out a large pan and start up the stove. Add a little butter to the pan to coat the bottom and let it heat up to medium-high. Once the stove is ready to go, throw the steak into the pan, add a little of the marinate, and cook on one side. Wait until the bottom side is cooked enough to turn over, then turn over and add the rest of the marinate mix. At this point the steak should be in a hot tub of white wine and dub-shire sauce. Finish cooking the steak until its done and remove from the pan. I recommend placing the steak in a container that will hold liquid because you should dump the rest of the marinate that is in the pan, in the dish with the meat. This is like your dipping sauce for future use. The bread type is up to you. I prefer either Chicago Hard-rolls or fresh Cuban bread. I know that makes no sense, but I guess it depends on what mood I’m in. The entire preparation and cooking process should only take maybe 20-25 minutes. It’s not a quick meal to whip-up midday, but it is quick enough to impress your lady on short notice.

Eat it, thank me later!

As always, if you have any ideas for our Manly Meals section, feel free to leave a comment or send us an email by clicking here.

These next two ideas are not complete meals, but you can use them to provide a quick snack, or match them up with another side and make your own complete meal.

The second greatest hot dog ever!

1) The Greatest Hot Dog ever! – Yeah, that’s right, I said it. I will beat any hot dog in the biz. And this is not hard at all. I have seen the gross videos of how hot dogs are made. But when I cook up these wieners and stuff them in my mouth… uhh… I mean… no… oh man. Bottom line, I could care less about how these mish-mash sticks of meaty goodness are compiled when I taste how good they are the way I cook them. Like I said, very simple. Pop the hot dogs in the microwave for 30 seconds. You do this to cook the inside. While they are nuking, place a small frying pan on the stove, on high, with a fair amount of olive oil. The olive oil will heat up and have a watery consistency. When the dogs are done their radiation treatment, throw them in the pan. Roll them around in the pan so the oil covers the hot dogs. The oil will heat up and start flying EVERYWHERE! Well, it’s not too bad, but I had to say it so you don’t sew me later because of your fresh new arm burns. Stay at the stove and constantly move the hot dogs around. Keep them rotating. If you let them sit there, they will burn. Eventually, as you are rolling them, they will turn a real light tan color. Now this is up to your discretion how long you want to keep them cooking. Remember, the insides have already been cooked, so putting them in the olive oil and frying them is only adding flavor. If you want a charred dog, go ahead and leave them in. If you don’t, like me, remove them when you start seeing that light tan color as you roll them. I like to throw them in a bun, but I have eaten them without one. I also don’t like to add anything to my hot dogs, so I turn my nose up at whoever offers me ketchup or mustard, I like ‘em all naturalé.

Get it? Imitation crab. No? Nevermind.

2) Imitation Crab Meat – You know what I’m talking about. It’s that stuff in the seafood section of your local grocery store that looks like plastic food. White on the inside, the fakest looking orange pigment on the outside. Now it comes cold, and doesn’t look too appetizing in the packaging. But if you put it on the stove and add a few small ingredients, this faux seafood can be a delightful treat. Clean off that frying pan from The Greatest Hot Dog ever! and throw it back on the stove. Get a little butter and drop it in the pan. Set the heat to medium and throw in enough crab meat to cover the bottom of the pan. Cover and let it heat up. After a few minutes, take off the lid and add garlic salt and parsley flakes. My Italian father, who is very emotional when it comes to his food (he once took my dinner away from me and wouldn’t let me eat when I mentioned that his chicken may have been a little undercooked), finds it very inappropriate when I tell him I use garlic salt and parsley flakes rather than garlic cloves and fresh parsley leaves. I think they taste the same. He tells me I’m a disgrace to the family. It’s your call. Let it cook for a few minutes, stirring more often then not to make sure the crab meat doesn’t cook to the pan. I like to cook it until the edges are slightly brown. You’re finished. You can eat this alone, or spice up a pasta dish by adding it to the mix.

Quick, easy, cheap. That’s how I roll.

Eat it, thank me later!

As always, if you have any ideas for our Manly Meals section, feel free to leave a comment or send us an email by clicking here. You’re Manly Meal may be chosen to showcase on our website. (Who am I kidding? Of course we are going to show it.)

If you don't like my ideas, just add Natty Light

You’ve heard the old “When your back’s against the wall…” saying a million times. I hear it a million times a day. That mostly comes from me talking to myself while I’m looking for a job. Contrary to popular belief, being a jobless bum isn’t as easy as it seems. For instance, food becomes a scarcity at times. If you learn to budget, and buy nothing but off-brand items, you can fill your house with enough food to last you a week or so. But lets face it, eating the same 18 cent Ramen noodles for lunch (and dinner) (and breakfast sometimes too if I have some left over from the night before) everyday, gets really repetitive and boring. Here are a few ideas that will keep your meals fresh while you’re ballin’ on a budget.

1) Ramen Noodles, with crackers – Sure, go ahead, boil up some water, throw in the soup, blah blah blah blah. Check it, get yourself some saltine-type crackers, then break up the soup while it’s still in the bag. Break it up really good, but keep in mind this will shorten the amount of cook time. Prepare it like normal, but instead of eating with a spoon, eat it with your saltines. The soup is broken up enough so you can scoop the soup with your crackers.

2) Ramen Noodles, dry – This one is awesome cause it’s really quick. Break up the noodles inside the bag, throw the contents in a ziplock bag, open the seasoning and dump it in the bag. Shake the hell out of it, and enjoy. It’s better than seasoned potato chips!

3) Ramen Noodles, with peanut butter – Pull the block-o-ramen out of the bag, toss the seasoning out the door, and lather that bad boy up with a generous helping of peanut butter.

In case you forgot....

4) Peanut Butter and Jelly, hot – Yeah, it has the same composition as a regular peanut butter and jelly, except that you put the bread in the toaster before you make the sandwich. I actually did this today. It was awesome. It was like ordering a PBJ at the Ritz Carlton. It made me feel like I wasn’t such an unemployment-check-collecting jobless bastard.

5) Heaven, in a nacho – I recommend the “Scoop” nachos. You know the ones that look like a tiny bowl. Set them out on a microwave safe plate (I don’t even know what that means, I put everything in the microwave), make sure they are one by one and all facing upright. You can get creative here, but I recommend sprinkling a bit of mozzarella cheese inside the chips. Then I like to top it off with some bacon bits… ok, a lot of bacon bits. Nuke it for 20-30 seconds, or until the cheese is melted to your preference. Find some ranch, or your favorite dipping pleasure, and go to town.

Eat it, thank me later!

These are just a few ideas, I’m sure you have plenty of ways to make your meals fresh and I would like to hear them. Just follow to the link to drop me your suggestions, and I will post them up for all to see, and enjoy. Leave your Manly Meal idea here.

*Okay, I can’t leave my boys without their pizza; i.e. “Ok, not pizza. But almost anything will compliment this dish and it takes maybe 10 minutes plus boil time,” the Pasta w/butter and garlic post.

Ingredients:
English muffin
Pesto (comes pre-made in jars, very convenient)
White mozzarella cheese
Diced tomatoes

Steps (order is crucial here tambien):
1. Separate the English muffin.
2. Put a half of a tablespoon of pesto onto each side of the English muffin.
3. Diced tomatoes on top of the pesto.
4. Piece of cheese on top of the tomatoes.
5. Put on cookie sheet and bake at 350 until cheese is melted and the muffin is toasted to your preference.

For girls, call it burchetta; for boys, pizza.  Goes great with the pasta and also takes 10 minutes.

Cat.*

Cat, awesome dish, I am getting very hungry now. This is such a great idea because it’s quick, and even if you don’t regularly have these ingredients, they are worth buying because you can use them for tons of other dishes. I thank you, my appetite thanks you, and my ManWhole thanks you.

Eat it, thank Cat later!

Hopefully this will open the floodgates for great Manly Meal ideas. If you have an idea, please drop us your recipe using the quick contact form.

1) Pasta – I usually like angel hair for this dish, but you can use whatever type of pasta you want.

2) Butter – Just a tablespoon or so.

3) Grated Parmesan Cheese – This adds a nice flavor.

4) Garlic Salt – If you don’t have any in the house, you aint right!

5) Black Pepper – Just add a little pep.

6) Parsley Flakes – The ‘cherry on top’

I don't recommend fondeling your pasta.

Boil up the pasta to the tenderness of your liking. Strain it, throw it back in the pot (some people don’t like to do this, they prefer to put in a bowl. If you removed the pot from the burner and place it on one that is not hot, then you just saved yourself from having to do more dishes.) Now, the amount of ingredients are pretty much up to you. Butter is a must, if I’m cooking a whole pound of pasta, I just take the wooden spoon I was using to stir, and take a generous chuck of butter and throw it in. Stir the butter in until it’s melted, then add the salt and pepper. Garlic salt is the greatest salt in the world. You can use this for so many things, so if you don’t want to buy just because you will only use it once, don’t worry, cause I use it in almost everything. The amount of salt and pepper are up to you and your preference. Sprinkle a little, stir it in, taste it, add more if you need it. You can go crazy with the cheese, if you want to. Mind you, you want to do all of this as soon as possible so that the cheese will melt a little to the pasta. Top it off with some parsley flakes, and enjoy. Do not break the order! Butter, garlic salt, pepper, then the cheese, then the parsley. What’s that? You don’t trust me? Fine, go ahead and break the order, I hope you choke on it.

The good thing about this dish is that it’s very versatile. You can eat the entire pound of pasta alone. You can, but I don’t recommend that. Or, you can make a quick side by adding almost any meat to the plate. I’ve eaten this with hot dogs, sausage, bratwursts, kielbasa, even pizza. Ok, not pizza. But almost anything will compliment this dish and it takes maybe 10 minutes plus boil time.

Eat it, thank me later!