Laundry day is easily my least favorite day of the week.
Since I don’t have a washer and dryer in my house, I have to lug all of my clothes across the street (really not that bad, but still annoying) along with my detergent, bleach and dozens of quarters to get it done.
On my most recent laundry adventure, I had everything prepared, but my detergent was missing. So I had to run to my local Walgreens (just a block away from my house) and pick some up.
Frustrated that my roommate swiped my detergent, I spent most of the time muttering to myself.
That’s when the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen walked through the door. She looked kind of familiar, but I know I’ve never seen her before. I looked her up and down, and up again as I was at the register buying my detergent. Then I just shook my head paid up and headed for the door.
Coming through the other was New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.
Stunned, all I could say was “Holy crap, that’s Derek Jeter,” but instead of saying it to someone else, I said it right to his face. I didn’t say you’re Derek Jeter, I said that’s Derek Jeter, like I was talking to someone else.
I blew the chance to say congratulations for winning his fifth World Series title this year or anything remotely intelligent.
And that beautiful girl was mega-hottie from Friday Night Lights Minka Kelly.
Seeing Derek Jeter was cool and all, but seeing Minka Kelly was a little better.
Since I didn’t have my cell phone on me, I ran home and got my phone and the 2009 World Series Champions hat and a sharpie, but by the time I got back to the store, he was gone.
In retrospect, it was probably a good thing. I looked like a maniac after running home, up the stairs to my house and back to the store waving a hat. Plus since I was fully out of breath, my move probably would have been to shove the hat in his face and say “Thanks.”
I learned a lesson that day, being prepared to meet a random celebrity is much harder than it should be. Granted, you don’t expect to run into Kelly and Jeter while you’re wearing your grimest laundry day clothes and holding a bottle of All.
Still, getting a legitimate autograph opportunity on something better than a laundry detergent receipt from one of the biggest sports stars in the world is much harder than necessary.
Hey Derek, what kind of laundry detergent do you use?
That got me thinking (which is never a good thing) about other things that are really much harder than they should be. Let’s examine four such situations.
- Answering the phone when riding a bike
Really, doing anything while you’re on the phone is difficult enough, but digging your phone out of your pocket as the bike is zooming along at full speed has to be the hardest out of all phone activities.
Falling off a bike is always funny. Especially if you're on the phone.
Obviously you stop peddling, but reaching in your pocket, gripping the cell phone and not dropping it on the pavement or flying off the bike is really a challenge. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, just ignore the call if you’re on your bike.
If not, when your ass fall to the asphalt, just remember it’s your dumb ass fault.
2. Carrying two full cups of beer at the same time
Maybe this isn’t a tough task for a lot of people, but having a ridiculously elevated sense of responsibility for someone else’s beer, spilling a drop terrifies me.
So heading back from the bar, fridge or wherever, carrying two full cups is like tip toeing through the tulips in a strangers garden.
You can grip the middle of the cup, but if it’s plastic then it can cave in causing a tidal wave of beer to come flying out. You can hold the cup from the top, grasping the lip but one wrong step or a tap from someone else can result in a cup drop.
I failed my exam to become a beer wench.
It’s easy to tell I was never a waiter, and carrying fragile things isn’t my forte. I don’t hold babies and am terrified to hold two beers simultaneously.
3. Finding a good radio station out of your market
Driving in a new city is a difficult task in itself. As you have your GPS flipping out as you miss your turn for the fourth straight time because you’re not paying attention to the road, you’re too busy trying to find some adequate music for the trip.
Sure you can listen to a cd for the 100th time or plug in your iPod and have at it. I’m not that fancy and forget paying for satellite radio, I try and find some stations just to see what’s going on in that city.
Why is this so difficult? Every time you flip the station, most of them are on commercial anyway, the only thing contatly playing is either weird religious stations or crappy talk radio.
That station probably sucks, try another one.
Is it too much to ask to set up a universal radio station guide? Sure market to market can decide what is being played, but for instance, couldn’t every 99.1 station be the rock station, 97.1 be the hip-hop station, 93.1 can be the 80s station etc…
Is that too much to ask? Who is opposed to this?
This idea would never work; it makes too much sense for everyone involved.
4. Walking down a row of stadium seating
No matter where you’re at, if there’s stadium seating, your seat will be in the middle of the most crowded row in the place.
The only open seats at the movie theatre are next to the fattest guy holding the three sodas, two popcorns and some Snowcaps.
So you can sit, but getting to your seat is just as tough as walking on a mile of hot coals.
Need help finding your seat? No problem, it's that one open one.
Don’t forget trying to go to the bathroom on an airplane, especially if you’re sitting next to the business executive.
Sure there’s room restraints, but couldn’t some leg room be thought of when planning this stuff.
Getting to your seat in a stadium is so hard and if you’re carrying two beers while doing that, forget it.
